Archive | June, 2012

Found: Dog – Lost: Dog

26 Jun

This post will explain why we got a third dog and why we ended up with just 2.

My husband and I are dog lovers, animal lovers, really. Two weeks before getting married we were dog shopping for a Maltese and found a little girl who fell in love with my husband at first sight. Our plan was to pick her up from the breeder after we were back from our weddingmoon. My husband, being the big tough guy that he is, couldn’t leave her there and wanted to bring her home that day. So there started our venture into puppyhood! That was July 2005. Fast forward to the following May, and we loved our Maltese, Elly, so much we wanted her to have a companion. I simply wanted to clone the perfect dog we already had, my husband, had other ideas.

I had been teaching an evening fitness class at our local community center and was heading to my car when my hubby and two stepsons pulled up in the car, my husband tells me he has someone he would like me to meet! Hmmm, really, who??? Who could this person of such importance be? Not a human person at least. A male, Bichon Frise, and at a pet store of all places!!!! This guy had 3 strikes against him and I hadn’t even met him yet. What kind of stepmom would I be if I didn’t go and see this creature at least? Off we go!

It wouldn’t have mattered if he was the most perfect dog in the world, he wasn’t in my eyes because I only wanted what I wanted and that was another Elly. Well, the little guy from the pet store somehow made his way into the hearts of the 3 boys I was living with, so I was out numbered. That Bichon became our Jed.  Now we had Elly May and Jed! Our own version of the Beverly Hillbillies! Jed quickly became “my” dog, and was a huge mama’s boy and suck. Requiring loads of attention, specifically my attention. Which was fine with me, afterall, my biological clock was ticking and I was desperate to have someone to look after, who really needed me. That was Jed’s purpose in life with us, I would later come to realize.

Now we fast forward again to October 2008. After we got Jed from the pet store I would frequent the store if I was in the area to look at the puppies and leave. In July of 2008 I did one of my “stop ins”. This time it wasn’t so easy to leave. There was a Shih-Tzu in a cage all alone, big brown eyes, looked at me once and had my heart. I left knowing (hoping) he would go to a good home soon. A few weeks later I stopped in again, and he was still there, now his hair was longer and he wasn’t looking as cute and spry as he did weeks earlier. I left again, hoping he wouldn’t be there the next time I came in. It was almost 5 weeks later, October and I stopped by again, now to see if he was still there or not, I had already told my husband about him, along with family and friends, in hopes someone would have a heart and go and get him. My husband actually had called the manager of the store and talked him down in the price, but ultimately decided we are crazy to think 3 dogs is a sane idea. I go into the store anyway, and there he is. Now he looks dirty, longer hair, thin, lethargic…something is wrong with this dog. Nobody is going to buy a dog who looks sick and dirty! WTF!!!

I run crying to my husband and few stores down to tell him, and we both march into the store and demand to get that dog out of there, right now! He was coming home with us, obviously that is where he was meant to be, it just took us a couple of months to figure it out. That Shih-Tzu became known as Gizmo in our family. Once we got him well and cleaned up, he quickly became a very well behaved, loving boy.

Now comes the hard part, and one that I didn’t understand until now. Jed (Bichon), was my dog, no question, loving, and protective of me, his Mom. When I gave birth to our daughter I wasn’t sure how the whole baby thing would go over with him. My biggest fears were realized when Jed snapped at my daughter while I was burping her at 3 months old. She was on my lap and Jed was beside me. I didn’t reach her, but just the thought that he could’ve sent me into a panic. He wasn’t really good with other kids and we would keep him away from kids on walks, etc, but we thought and hoped it would be different with our own. Not the case. So we had to send him to a foster home to later be adopted to a home without children. It was extremely hard to say goodbye to my boy, but we had no choice. I wouldn’t risk my child’s safety.

Jed was in our life and specifically my life for a reason, a wonderful reason. To bridge the gap between the biological clock ticking and when I actually became a mother. He was my “fur baby” for 4 years before my daughter came along, he needed me as much as I needed him. For that I will always hold a special place in my heart for him and will never forget him. Gizmo came into our life when he did to be a companion for Elly when Jed left. Just like we had always planned from the beginning, we wanted her to have a “friend”.

Ultimately now, we all have exactly what we need in life, Jed got adopted to a good home, we have our daughter and Elly has her buddy Gizmo. Everything really does happen for a reason.

Lost: Faith – Found: Religion

25 Jun

ImageI was never religious growing up, it wasn’t something we did as a family ever, go to church. My husband is Catholic and was brought up going to church every Sunday, singing in the choir along with his siblings. Then the poor guy meets me and my skepticism of the whole Catholic religion. He has 2 older boys from a previous marriage, they went to Catholic school, although didn’t attend church regularly. I guess if you get it during school you don’t need it on Sunday too?

My issue with the religion was the constant stories of Priest’s acting inappropriately with young children, sexual abuse and molestation. It was extremely disheartening to hear that someone in a position of power, in a place of “God” no less was doing this. Not just one, many. It became a heated topic in our household. When I got pregnant with our daughter, I told my husband and his parents that there was no way that she would see the inside of a Catholic church. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for people finding what works for them with-respect-to religion. Whatever you choose or don’t choose is great, this is a free country. For me personally this is how I feel.

Additionally, I have a problem with any religion that tells me that another human being is “less than”. For example, gay people. Gays are no less than anyone else on this earth, after all, God made us all, didn’t he? If that is supposed to be true, and God makes no mistakes, then…. see where I’m going with this? Right, so I like to keep with my values, and participate in a community that is accepting of everyone, no matter what colour, nationality, sexual orientation, etc. Acceptance of all is my favourite kind of religion.

Throughout our journeys from church to church we finally found our “home”. A place where I felt comfortable, for the first time ever inside the walls of a church. A place where I could feel comfortable taking my daughter and participating freely, by being myself and not feeling badly. Do you ever get that bad, guilty feeling when you go to church?  Then you are not in the right place. It should be a “feel good” place, uplifting and enjoyable, otherwise why would you leave your bed early on a Sunday morning?

My husband and I may have lost faith in Catholicism, but we did find a new place where we feel comfortable as a family!

Lost: My Temper – Found: Patience

22 Jun

I come from and eclectic, fiery background. I’m a quarter each of Italian, German, Irish and French. I guess it’s no surprise that I would have a temper in there somewhere. I was definitely shown what a temper was from my mother growing up, she was insane (literally). One minute she would be calm, normal, the next screaming, yelling, swearing, and hitting! I always knew growing up that I never wanted to be that way to my kids, never, ever! It was horrible. I went through a tough time in my twenties with my emotions and had some nasty outbursts with my temper, and felt completely out of control.  Now that I’m reflecting back on it, it could’ve been totally hormonal.

I’m actually shocked at how much patience I have now, after becoming a mother. I haven’t had an issue with my temper at all since being pregnant. In fact, the amount of patience I have astounds me sometimes! I’m so grateful for my new-found patience. Don’t get me wrong things still bother me and stupid people are one of them…LOL! I haven’t grown patience for them yet. For my child and family I have an over abundance and that is fantastic.

I’m so glad I lost my temper when I did, now I have all the patience I need.

Lost: My cool (apparently) – Found: Granny Panties

19 Jun

I know most mom’s will be able to relate to this, well at least I hope so. I have 2 older sisters and my oldest, who is 12 years my senior, is the most fashionable out of all of us. She always was, she’s one of those mom’s who never lost her cool. The other day I went out shopping for myself for a change. I picked up a couple of new tops (on sale of course), I was pretty excited about them, they were colourful and I thought “in style”.

My oldest sister came by for a visit, and commented on my shirt and my whole outfit saying how it makes me look like a grandmother and it’s too big, etc. She’s a size zero and I’m a size 16! I don’t want to be showing my rolls and flab to everyone is tight, form-fitting clothes, so I buy tops that have some give. Most styles today are “flowy” and I appreciate that. My sister doesnt’. I was so excited about my new top too. Well not anymore. 😦

When I was pregnant, I did away with my thongs and opted for the comfy, full coverage of a granny panty, why stop there! Feeling comfortable is important to me, looking good now comes second, sadly. I hope it won’t always be this way, but until I figure out what I’m doing with my body (having baby #2 or committing to losing the weight) then comfort is where it is at!

My husband, being the wonderful man that he is, loves me in my granny panties or not…lol!

I do remember the days when I was a size 4, could where anything, a bikini and rocked it. I’m glad I have those memories and photos, but for this moment, I’m glad I have my granny panties to cover my Kardashian-esque booty!

Lost: My Virginity – Found: My first husband

17 Jun

In keeping with my random rants about lost and found, I thought why not go old school for this one.

I was 16 years old when I lost my virginity and it happened to be with my long-term highschool boyfriend. Keeping up the tradition set by my older sisters, they both married their highschool sweethearts. For some reason I felt I had to do the same. After all, I had done the deed with this guy, so of course we should marry, right?

Ummm, HELL NO!  If I could go back and tell my teenage-self something, I would say, ditch this guy, enjoy your teens and have fun with the girls, go places, meet all kinds of people and live a little, soon life will find you and kick you in the ass, then you’ll get fat! 🙂

I’m not advocating for pre-marital sex, however, when my daughter wants to get married, I will make sure she has tried him on for size, I guess I should say him/her, just never know, either way, try them on see how they feel, do they do it for ya or not? If we expect marriages to last a lifetime then it better be freaking good, don’t you agree?

You have to try a couple or more on before you find the right fit, have some fun before you find “the one”, don’t rush it, be safe and enjoy yourself. Life is too short to live with regrets!

I found my second husband, after divorcing my first husband and trying on some different fits, my husband is the best lover, friend, care giver and support I’ve ever known, he may not have been the first, but he will be the last!

Lost: A few balls – Found: My swing

15 Jun

I just got home from an afternoon on the links with my work.  I haven’t golfed in three years, and had forgotten how much I enjoyed it. I’m not a great golfer, but I’m not bad, especially since I don’t get out very much at all.  I do enjoy the drinking part. It’s just nice to get out and enjoy yourself once in a while. It’s amazing how caught up in the day-to-day stuff that we actually forget to live!

I may have lost a few balls today, but I found my zest for life. Not that I don’t enjoy my life now, it’s just making time to have fun, go golfing, have a picnic, go to the drive-in. We make time for everything else, but when do we pencil in “fun” time?

The pencil is out, and I am penciling in some fun-time!!!

You should too!

Lost: In my childhood – Found: In adulthood

12 Jun

I had the pleasure of growing up in a family with parents that never said “I love you” and never gave hugs or kisses to their children. In fact, it was the complete opposite, verbal, physical and emotional abuse. I know my parents did the best they could with what they had and although I can never forget what was done and what wasn’t, I can forgive. I have forgiven.

Being a parent myself now, I cannot even imagine hurting my little girl, in fact, if it’s possible to love your child too much, I’m guilty of that. From the moment I saw her, I was completely in love, and every day since she has been told how much her dad and I love her.  There are kisses and hugs and lots of love to go around. Our home is filled with love. It may not be filled with fancy furniture or nice things, but the one thing it is filled with is priceless!

I may have never know what it was like to be loved growing up, but I sure know how to love and be loved now, as an adult. So I take from my childhood pain, the reason that I had been wondering about… and that is a happy, loving adult family.  We do end up curing our childhood pain in our adult lives.

Lost: Mojo – Found: 40 lbs

11 Jun

Growing up I was a normal weight, maybe even a little under the norm. I didn’t have to watch what I ate, I was always busy, walking to school, dancing etc, that it wasn’t an issue.  Until, well, it was. Now it is. When I married my husband in 2005 I was 130 lbs, that was the heaviest I had been all my life. I felt good and was happy with how I looked. Since then I’ve put on an additional 40 lbs! I’m 5ft 3in, so at 170 lbs I’m considered obese and my BMI is off the charts! Health wise it’s not good for me, I know that, but I’m severely lacking the motivation to do anything about it. I’m definitely not happy with myself, my weight, my looks and despite how unhappy I am with myself, I’m still not at the point where I’m ready to say “enough is enough” and get up off my couch and do something about it. Ironically, I used to be a fitness professional, motivating and encouraging others to be fit! I know what it takes to lose weight, I know how to do it. It’s finding my mojo again to make it happen….that’s where I’m lost.

My home is slowly becoming a clothing store with sizes ranging from 4 – 18! I keep the old (smaller)  clothes with hopes that one day I will be there again. I mean we’ve all seen the miracles they perform on The Biggest Loser… they can lose hundreds of pounds, surely I can lose 40, right?

Well, I’ve put it out there now, maybe this is the first step to getting up off this couch and taking another step and another…. I will let you know.

Have you struggled with getting your mojo back? How did you do it?  I’d love to hear your thoughts and stories!

 

Lost: Husband – Found: Baby “Part Deux”

10 Jun

So we are finally pregnant!!! That’s the good news, the bad news is we aren’t even living together anymore. We knew we loved each other and wanted to be together, it was just logistics now. So he would spend most nights with me at the condo, he gave notice at his apartment and we began the search to find a home for our family. After putting offers in on two homes in the next city over, and walking away from those deals for one reason or another, we found a great spot in our own city, close to my work and all the stores, etc. It would be ready for the end of June which was perfect timing before we were due the end of September!

We have been married for almost 7 years and are happier now than ever! I may have lost my husband for a bit, but in the end I found a happy family! 🙂

Lost: Husband – Found: Baby

9 Jun

My husband and I truly believe that “everything happens for a reason”. That’s really the foundation of my blog and it’s a proven fact with this true story. My husband and I married in 2005 and in 2008 he went and had his vasectomy reversed after 15 years. We were beginning to try to start our own family. Our doctor was confident he would be able to successfully reverse the vasectomy and get us pregnant. That was September 2008. Let’s fast forward through the months of trying and failing to get pregnant. It’s now September 2009, a full year later, my eggo is still not preggo! We sit in our living room gazing out at our front lawn which is hosting a realty sign with a SOLD sticker on it. Did I mention we just moved in 10 months earlier…we did. We weren’t happy in our new home, we were stressed about money, not being able to get pregnant and the fact that we had sold our home but didn’t have anywhere else to go just yet.

We had an arguement and during the arguement I asked him, “why are you with me?”, my husband was quick to respond, “I don’t know”.  Not the answer I was hoping for, and to follow it up he says, “I think we should seperate”. OMG! Are you kidding me??? Needless to say I was ticked! By the end of the week I had purchased a condo for myself and my 3 dogs, he was going to move into an apartment. I was so upset and angry at him for ruining everything, but was still madly in love with him. We moved out of our home in December 2009, my new condo wasn’t going to be ready until January 2010 so I had a month I was homeless and stayed with family.

January 8, 2010 – moving day into my new home. A small 1 bedroom condo for me and my 3 little dogs. I wasn’t allowed to have 3, but I wasn’t giving up my fur babies because of one man’s stupidity!  My husband and I clinged to each other during this time, we still both really loved one another but it just wasn’t working for some reason, sounds crazy and it was. It was a really crazy time. Now I fast forward to January 25th, 20th just a few short weeks after being in my new place, I find myself alone in my condo in my pj’s getting ready to watch the Bacholorette, a sudden urge comes over me to go and take a pregnancy test. It’s 8pm, cold and snowy outside and I’m in bed in my warm cozy jammies, and my intuition is arguing with me to go out and get a pregnancy test!  Even crazier, right!

Well, I couldn’t fight the urge, I had to go. I walked to the drugstore, I call it my “Juno moment” walk in and by 5 tests and some orange juice. I think the walk home I was talking out loud to myself saying how crazy and stupid this was. My period wasn’t even due for another 5 days! It was way to early to test.  I went home and took a test anyway.

It was only 3 minutes later that my life changed forever…. Postive!

We were having a baby…finally, but we were seperated!

To Be Continued…