Lost: In my childhood – Found: In adulthood

12 Jun

I had the pleasure of growing up in a family with parents that never said “I love you” and never gave hugs or kisses to their children. In fact, it was the complete opposite, verbal, physical and emotional abuse. I know my parents did the best they could with what they had and although I can never forget what was done and what wasn’t, I can forgive. I have forgiven.

Being a parent myself now, I cannot even imagine hurting my little girl, in fact, if it’s possible to love your child too much, I’m guilty of that. From the moment I saw her, I was completely in love, and every day since she has been told how much her dad and I love her.  There are kisses and hugs and lots of love to go around. Our home is filled with love. It may not be filled with fancy furniture or nice things, but the one thing it is filled with is priceless!

I may have never know what it was like to be loved growing up, but I sure know how to love and be loved now, as an adult. So I take from my childhood pain, the reason that I had been wondering about… and that is a happy, loving adult family.  We do end up curing our childhood pain in our adult lives.

Lost: Mojo – Found: 40 lbs

11 Jun

Growing up I was a normal weight, maybe even a little under the norm. I didn’t have to watch what I ate, I was always busy, walking to school, dancing etc, that it wasn’t an issue.  Until, well, it was. Now it is. When I married my husband in 2005 I was 130 lbs, that was the heaviest I had been all my life. I felt good and was happy with how I looked. Since then I’ve put on an additional 40 lbs! I’m 5ft 3in, so at 170 lbs I’m considered obese and my BMI is off the charts! Health wise it’s not good for me, I know that, but I’m severely lacking the motivation to do anything about it. I’m definitely not happy with myself, my weight, my looks and despite how unhappy I am with myself, I’m still not at the point where I’m ready to say “enough is enough” and get up off my couch and do something about it. Ironically, I used to be a fitness professional, motivating and encouraging others to be fit! I know what it takes to lose weight, I know how to do it. It’s finding my mojo again to make it happen….that’s where I’m lost.

My home is slowly becoming a clothing store with sizes ranging from 4 – 18! I keep the old (smaller)  clothes with hopes that one day I will be there again. I mean we’ve all seen the miracles they perform on The Biggest Loser… they can lose hundreds of pounds, surely I can lose 40, right?

Well, I’ve put it out there now, maybe this is the first step to getting up off this couch and taking another step and another…. I will let you know.

Have you struggled with getting your mojo back? How did you do it?  I’d love to hear your thoughts and stories!

 

Lost: Husband – Found: Baby “Part Deux”

10 Jun

So we are finally pregnant!!! That’s the good news, the bad news is we aren’t even living together anymore. We knew we loved each other and wanted to be together, it was just logistics now. So he would spend most nights with me at the condo, he gave notice at his apartment and we began the search to find a home for our family. After putting offers in on two homes in the next city over, and walking away from those deals for one reason or another, we found a great spot in our own city, close to my work and all the stores, etc. It would be ready for the end of June which was perfect timing before we were due the end of September!

We have been married for almost 7 years and are happier now than ever! I may have lost my husband for a bit, but in the end I found a happy family! 🙂

Lost: Husband – Found: Baby

9 Jun

My husband and I truly believe that “everything happens for a reason”. That’s really the foundation of my blog and it’s a proven fact with this true story. My husband and I married in 2005 and in 2008 he went and had his vasectomy reversed after 15 years. We were beginning to try to start our own family. Our doctor was confident he would be able to successfully reverse the vasectomy and get us pregnant. That was September 2008. Let’s fast forward through the months of trying and failing to get pregnant. It’s now September 2009, a full year later, my eggo is still not preggo! We sit in our living room gazing out at our front lawn which is hosting a realty sign with a SOLD sticker on it. Did I mention we just moved in 10 months earlier…we did. We weren’t happy in our new home, we were stressed about money, not being able to get pregnant and the fact that we had sold our home but didn’t have anywhere else to go just yet.

We had an arguement and during the arguement I asked him, “why are you with me?”, my husband was quick to respond, “I don’t know”.  Not the answer I was hoping for, and to follow it up he says, “I think we should seperate”. OMG! Are you kidding me??? Needless to say I was ticked! By the end of the week I had purchased a condo for myself and my 3 dogs, he was going to move into an apartment. I was so upset and angry at him for ruining everything, but was still madly in love with him. We moved out of our home in December 2009, my new condo wasn’t going to be ready until January 2010 so I had a month I was homeless and stayed with family.

January 8, 2010 – moving day into my new home. A small 1 bedroom condo for me and my 3 little dogs. I wasn’t allowed to have 3, but I wasn’t giving up my fur babies because of one man’s stupidity!  My husband and I clinged to each other during this time, we still both really loved one another but it just wasn’t working for some reason, sounds crazy and it was. It was a really crazy time. Now I fast forward to January 25th, 20th just a few short weeks after being in my new place, I find myself alone in my condo in my pj’s getting ready to watch the Bacholorette, a sudden urge comes over me to go and take a pregnancy test. It’s 8pm, cold and snowy outside and I’m in bed in my warm cozy jammies, and my intuition is arguing with me to go out and get a pregnancy test!  Even crazier, right!

Well, I couldn’t fight the urge, I had to go. I walked to the drugstore, I call it my “Juno moment” walk in and by 5 tests and some orange juice. I think the walk home I was talking out loud to myself saying how crazy and stupid this was. My period wasn’t even due for another 5 days! It was way to early to test.  I went home and took a test anyway.

It was only 3 minutes later that my life changed forever…. Postive!

We were having a baby…finally, but we were seperated!

To Be Continued…

Welcome to my world! (blog)

9 Jun

I wanted to create a blog but I honestly didn’t think I had anything to say that would be worthy of others reading. As I fell asleep last night it was buzzing in my head…lost and found…lost and found. When I woke this morning it was still buzzing in my head and then the light turned on, and a flood of funny, crazy, honest and interesting things to write about and share came to mind. My life (lessons) has taught me many things along the way. Lessons I may not have realized at the time, but as I’m getting older  and maturing some things are starting to make sense. That’s what I’m hoping to share with you and maybe one person will read this and realize their crazy life isn’t that crazy after all.

I’m a girl/woman, daughter, sister, ex-wife, wife, Mom and friend.

Let’s begin…