Tag Archives: family

Lost: Security – Found: Blankey

10 Jul

When I was young, really little, I was given a gift by one of my mother’s friends. A quilt. Little did this woman know this would be the greatest gift I would ever receive as a child. It wasn’t just a quilt, or a blanket to me. It was my security, my comfort. Growing up with a mother with bi-polar, or manic depression as it was called back then and a father who didn’t want to be around much to deal with her or his children, left little in the way of love, caring and comforting for me as the baby in the family.

Eventually, I wore out this blankey, it literally disintegrated in the wash it was so worn out. My mother never told me she just threw it out, and when I went looking for it she finally had to break the news. I was devastated and immediately scoured the house for a replacement…found one! Wore that one out, found another replacement, they seemed to last for 8 years or so, then needed replacing. My mother would joke when I was getting into my teens and still sleeping with a blankey, that I was going to take that silly thing on my honeymoon. She was right! I took it on both of my honeymoons, thank you very much! I took it with me to the hospital to give birth to my first child too! I’m 35 years old and still sleep with a blankey! I’m not ashamed in the least. If my “habit” is sleeping with a blanket at night, who am I hurting? Does it give off second hand smoke? I don’t think so, it’s probably the safest habit I could have. I certainly enjoy it.

The lady who bought me my first blanket passed away when I was only 12, she was a family friend, and I don’t know how I would’ve made it through growing up without it. So thank you!

Found: Dog – Lost: Dog

26 Jun

This post will explain why we got a third dog and why we ended up with just 2.

My husband and I are dog lovers, animal lovers, really. Two weeks before getting married we were dog shopping for a Maltese and found a little girl who fell in love with my husband at first sight. Our plan was to pick her up from the breeder after we were back from our weddingmoon. My husband, being the big tough guy that he is, couldn’t leave her there and wanted to bring her home that day. So there started our venture into puppyhood! That was July 2005. Fast forward to the following May, and we loved our Maltese, Elly, so much we wanted her to have a companion. I simply wanted to clone the perfect dog we already had, my husband, had other ideas.

I had been teaching an evening fitness class at our local community center and was heading to my car when my hubby and two stepsons pulled up in the car, my husband tells me he has someone he would like me to meet! Hmmm, really, who??? Who could this person of such importance be? Not a human person at least. A male, Bichon Frise, and at a pet store of all places!!!! This guy had 3 strikes against him and I hadn’t even met him yet. What kind of stepmom would I be if I didn’t go and see this creature at least? Off we go!

It wouldn’t have mattered if he was the most perfect dog in the world, he wasn’t in my eyes because I only wanted what I wanted and that was another Elly. Well, the little guy from the pet store somehow made his way into the hearts of the 3 boys I was living with, so I was out numbered. That Bichon became our Jed.  Now we had Elly May and Jed! Our own version of the Beverly Hillbillies! Jed quickly became “my” dog, and was a huge mama’s boy and suck. Requiring loads of attention, specifically my attention. Which was fine with me, afterall, my biological clock was ticking and I was desperate to have someone to look after, who really needed me. That was Jed’s purpose in life with us, I would later come to realize.

Now we fast forward again to October 2008. After we got Jed from the pet store I would frequent the store if I was in the area to look at the puppies and leave. In July of 2008 I did one of my “stop ins”. This time it wasn’t so easy to leave. There was a Shih-Tzu in a cage all alone, big brown eyes, looked at me once and had my heart. I left knowing (hoping) he would go to a good home soon. A few weeks later I stopped in again, and he was still there, now his hair was longer and he wasn’t looking as cute and spry as he did weeks earlier. I left again, hoping he wouldn’t be there the next time I came in. It was almost 5 weeks later, October and I stopped by again, now to see if he was still there or not, I had already told my husband about him, along with family and friends, in hopes someone would have a heart and go and get him. My husband actually had called the manager of the store and talked him down in the price, but ultimately decided we are crazy to think 3 dogs is a sane idea. I go into the store anyway, and there he is. Now he looks dirty, longer hair, thin, lethargic…something is wrong with this dog. Nobody is going to buy a dog who looks sick and dirty! WTF!!!

I run crying to my husband and few stores down to tell him, and we both march into the store and demand to get that dog out of there, right now! He was coming home with us, obviously that is where he was meant to be, it just took us a couple of months to figure it out. That Shih-Tzu became known as Gizmo in our family. Once we got him well and cleaned up, he quickly became a very well behaved, loving boy.

Now comes the hard part, and one that I didn’t understand until now. Jed (Bichon), was my dog, no question, loving, and protective of me, his Mom. When I gave birth to our daughter I wasn’t sure how the whole baby thing would go over with him. My biggest fears were realized when Jed snapped at my daughter while I was burping her at 3 months old. She was on my lap and Jed was beside me. I didn’t reach her, but just the thought that he could’ve sent me into a panic. He wasn’t really good with other kids and we would keep him away from kids on walks, etc, but we thought and hoped it would be different with our own. Not the case. So we had to send him to a foster home to later be adopted to a home without children. It was extremely hard to say goodbye to my boy, but we had no choice. I wouldn’t risk my child’s safety.

Jed was in our life and specifically my life for a reason, a wonderful reason. To bridge the gap between the biological clock ticking and when I actually became a mother. He was my “fur baby” for 4 years before my daughter came along, he needed me as much as I needed him. For that I will always hold a special place in my heart for him and will never forget him. Gizmo came into our life when he did to be a companion for Elly when Jed left. Just like we had always planned from the beginning, we wanted her to have a “friend”.

Ultimately now, we all have exactly what we need in life, Jed got adopted to a good home, we have our daughter and Elly has her buddy Gizmo. Everything really does happen for a reason.

Lost: Faith – Found: Religion

25 Jun

ImageI was never religious growing up, it wasn’t something we did as a family ever, go to church. My husband is Catholic and was brought up going to church every Sunday, singing in the choir along with his siblings. Then the poor guy meets me and my skepticism of the whole Catholic religion. He has 2 older boys from a previous marriage, they went to Catholic school, although didn’t attend church regularly. I guess if you get it during school you don’t need it on Sunday too?

My issue with the religion was the constant stories of Priest’s acting inappropriately with young children, sexual abuse and molestation. It was extremely disheartening to hear that someone in a position of power, in a place of “God” no less was doing this. Not just one, many. It became a heated topic in our household. When I got pregnant with our daughter, I told my husband and his parents that there was no way that she would see the inside of a Catholic church. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for people finding what works for them with-respect-to religion. Whatever you choose or don’t choose is great, this is a free country. For me personally this is how I feel.

Additionally, I have a problem with any religion that tells me that another human being is “less than”. For example, gay people. Gays are no less than anyone else on this earth, after all, God made us all, didn’t he? If that is supposed to be true, and God makes no mistakes, then…. see where I’m going with this? Right, so I like to keep with my values, and participate in a community that is accepting of everyone, no matter what colour, nationality, sexual orientation, etc. Acceptance of all is my favourite kind of religion.

Throughout our journeys from church to church we finally found our “home”. A place where I felt comfortable, for the first time ever inside the walls of a church. A place where I could feel comfortable taking my daughter and participating freely, by being myself and not feeling badly. Do you ever get that bad, guilty feeling when you go to church?  Then you are not in the right place. It should be a “feel good” place, uplifting and enjoyable, otherwise why would you leave your bed early on a Sunday morning?

My husband and I may have lost faith in Catholicism, but we did find a new place where we feel comfortable as a family!

Lost: In my childhood – Found: In adulthood

12 Jun

I had the pleasure of growing up in a family with parents that never said “I love you” and never gave hugs or kisses to their children. In fact, it was the complete opposite, verbal, physical and emotional abuse. I know my parents did the best they could with what they had and although I can never forget what was done and what wasn’t, I can forgive. I have forgiven.

Being a parent myself now, I cannot even imagine hurting my little girl, in fact, if it’s possible to love your child too much, I’m guilty of that. From the moment I saw her, I was completely in love, and every day since she has been told how much her dad and I love her.  There are kisses and hugs and lots of love to go around. Our home is filled with love. It may not be filled with fancy furniture or nice things, but the one thing it is filled with is priceless!

I may have never know what it was like to be loved growing up, but I sure know how to love and be loved now, as an adult. So I take from my childhood pain, the reason that I had been wondering about… and that is a happy, loving adult family.  We do end up curing our childhood pain in our adult lives.